He finished it the only way he could. A love note with the proposal at the end of it, tucked into the book she was reading. An ace, straight down the middle, he figured. A stake as the arrow flies into cupid’s heart.
He did not lose it because he fumbled, or that his plan wasn’t ingenious. He did not lose it because it was all an accident, a fluke, the whole lot of it. He was gutted because she wasn’t ready. Her words. She said ‘No’. Even the hundred billion brain cells in his head agreed with him. It made no sense. How now?
He had done everything, alright. The movies, road trips, campings, dinner dates, et al. He had purposed to get to know her, be intimate with her, even deciding to drop his guard, for her to truly fathom him; his weaknesses, his strengths, his vision and pride. His desires and goals. His limitations. He had purposed to be her support pillar. He had done everything alright, or so he thought.
Was it fear that stopped her in the middle of her emotional tracks? Was it that there was someone else preying on her like piranhas baying for blood? He has met her family and friends, everyone loves him to bits. She loves his side of the divide too. She has repeatedly expressed her love for him, so what could be the issue?
A good job, check. Good finances, check. A car, an an acre off the highway, with the stock exchange being part of his portfolio. Better fortunes yet to come. An architect of dreams, an inspiration. He thought he had passed the ultimate test, he had proved his worth. His character was second to none, or so he thought.
It’s not him, she says. She’s just not ready. Ready for what? He’s been the answer to her prayers, she tells him, a man after her own heart. What then? Why wait? Bad memories from the past? Had someone dear pushed her to the breaking point? Was he one of the slot machines and she was waiting to see who would grant her the jackpot? Or is she simply overwhelmed? Perhaps doesn’t want to get married, has never considered it?
As he lies on his bed, tossing and turning, thinking of the next step, a growing feeling of powerlessness leaves him devastated. The scriptwriter, he imagines, is currently shuddering with laughter.He’ll try again, and again, hoping that in the end, the answer will be in the affirmative. Or what next? Accept and move on?
He’s already too deep into her county. A fact. A cold hard fact.