You’re probably wondering if Project 44 is going to advice you on how to get your groove on…and yes, we’ll attempt to do that, but not in the kamasutra sense!
Let’s face it, by the time you hit 30 and you are still single, most Eves and some Adams have war stories to tell! They say that all is fair in love and war, hence the search goes on but the ‘battlefield’ is far from level.
For one, Eves who are 30 and over begin to be labeled as if they are goods whose sell-by-date is just round the corner but not yet confirmed. There is no end to the labels hanging over the single-30-plus Eves: Ms. Super Independent, Ms. Too Cute in Her Twenties but now 30 and Desperate, Ms. Domineering, Ms. Career Woman, Ms. Ticking Biological Clock, etc (these may be used in combination) and there is a list of warnings that come with these labels.
Adams, on the other hand, are just Adams. Ripening in their time and waiting to pluck the Eves of their choice. Or so we have been led to think. Luckily for them, there is no Big Ben pounding loudly in the background reminding them of the fragility of their fertility (their swimmers are safe for life unless otherwise advised by a certified physician!)
I recently paid a lot of attention to a ‘relationship expert’ talk about and compare dating in your 20s and after 30. I was interested, but with a raised eyebrow as I thought the doctor was treading on glass here ;): how could he? For example, if we look at matters beauty for Eves in their 20s, everything is ‘in place’. There is no need for rubbing those creams here and there, the youthfulness of the 20s just glows on.
For Eves in their 30s, it is hard to simply ignore those adverts and shops stands selling all manner of lifting, age-defying, wrinkle-elimination creams; they acquire a whole new meaning as gravity becomes an entire phenomenon :). Anyway, according to the great doctor, dating in the 30s is very different from dating in the 20s (except for those who ended up tying the knot or making other forms of commitment). In the 20s, life is less complicated and you are carrying less baggage. You are likely to have a more carefree attitude.
In the 30s, life is busier, it is likely that you have some baggage, are looking for long-term compatibility and have little time for ‘incoherence’ (Project 44 jargon for all manner of incomprehensible confusion in relationships ). You are likely to know exactly or more or less what you want, be more self assured and based on your experiences before 30, you are better skilled to discern people.
In or past the third decade, you have most likely been disappointed and hurt and therefore, in essence, you feel there is more at risk. You don’t want to waste time with the wrong person never mind kissing more frogs and toads.
The only similarity that the great doctor put between dating in your 20s and dating after 30 is that you still have to have a pool of possible suitors and then choose from there. In your 20s of course, you have eons to sort out the riff raff and try to find the jewel; they can come and go. In your 30s and later, for Eves, you will have to shorten the sorting time out – considerably!
It is at this point that the doctor ceased being great and I wanted to scream out at the television at levels that the national environmental agency would be less than impressed with! Does he know that there are Eves and (an unquantifiable but lesser number of) Adams who don’t even meet impossible suitors…? What did he mean by a ‘pool’, because all I heard was ‘ocean’ !
After calming down much later, I thought about what he had said. The truth is that, Eve or Adam, you still have to put yourself out there. The risk with being self assured in your 30s is you are likely to fall into the comfort zone. You are established in your ways and have less patience if the shoe begins not to fit.
But, if you are not in the game, how can expect to play and ‘ponyoka na pick up’ (take off with the prize for those not versed in Swahili)? Relax and enjoy the ride; you may be under pressure but, Eves, consider that it’s very difficult for men to fall in love and envision a future while the woman is acting urgent and figuratively looking at the huge clock on her wrist?
It’s also time to open your mind; you’re going to meet people who have a different set of issues than people dating in their 20s; most people will have a fair share of issues to deal with based on previous experiences, assuming they were not just lone rangers waiting to hit 30 and get into a frantic search for a special someone. In other words, in their search, they have experiences, some good and some not very good.
As for Adams, stop sitting on the ‘ruracio’ (the dowry) and find your Eve, won’t you :)?
Have your say !
You can read more blog posts at Project 44 – Eve and Adam