Soft is the music that would charm forever; the flower of sweetest smell is shy and lowly. ~ William Wordsworth
He looked so pitiful and tormented as he stared at the window. It was a look of discomfiture, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. But again, I couldn’t understand it.
“Let me get this straight,” I interrupted the silence, “You made a two-thousand kilometer return journey by bus, across the border, spent a full weekend with your love interest, and you couldn’t gather the courage to tell her how you feel about her or make her see how she fits in your grand scheme of things?”
“Yes,” he replied meekly.
Like a sheep to the slaughter, he had strolled across the border, his feelings dictating the pace. Now here he was, chained to an emotional tree with the love interest busy sharpening the knife of rejection. He was thinking of chewing the chain and taking off. Was the journey to a far-far-away land not enough to make this lady realize that he was keen on her?
It seems that in relationships, it’s a game of survival for the fittest. Anyone who stands out from the crowd, not only in the ‘looks’ department, but in confidence and eloquence, is more likely to get the choicest of girls to pick from. Whoever is shy and timid will most likely be hogging the last spot in the dating race, It does not matter how much a decent human being he is.
But should it be?
We live in a world of differences, no matter the similarities. That’s what makes this place interesting. Often times in relationships, instead of noting the differences in people; we use the similarity principle in dating.
Take for instance this man who belongs to that category of good guys who are challenged when it comes to getting lyrical with ladies, a man who’s heard it all before; ‘you’ve got to man up, women want a confident man, who will go up to them and say what he wants’.
Backseat drivers advise him that in the dating game, a man is supposed to pursue and state his intentions. He spots the ‘prey’, makes a move and goes for the ‘jugular’. He’ll shower the chic with all kinds of lyrics, compliments and sweet nothings; anything to woo his ‘prey’.
But what happened to actions speaking louder than words? This man boarded a bus and travelled to see his love interest. How many friends do that, unless they are taking a holiday trip? Now he feels as if he lost his chance to ‘close the deal’, simply because he was not able to state his claim face to face, or use those sweet words that ladies want to hear. Sadly, that’s what he’s been rated on.
Just like in the corporate world, the interviewee who wows the most with articulate communication and impressive words often times ends up getting hired but we all know that this does not necessarily translate into being up for the job.
And yet, the most noble of characters that a lady is looking for, is under immense pressure because he’s not been able to wow a chic with his talk, he’s not been able to express himself in words. He’s slowly becoming a laughing stock. Because of his feelings for the lady, he’ll think that in the dating game, the rule is also ‘fake it till you make it’. So he won’t be real, he won’t be himself, because if he is, he won’t get his heart’s desire, for she might bolt like Usain.
Ladies, when you make your wish list about the kind of man you are looking for, it has plenty of character traits you desire, not the kind of approach and entrance he makes. That’s for Hollywood and soap operas. You have a sixth sense, for intuition. Use it to know that the shy man who is doing everything but tell you, could be the best man for you.
Don’t let someone go because he didn’t say those sweet things that you wanted to hear, but in their actions, they showed you how much they feel about you. The best may not necessarily be loudest…
…that’s all I’m saying.