Submit, Oh dear me

04 Apr

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord

A ticking clock counts down the seconds it takes to read the above verse, less than five to be precise, but a doomsday scenario awaits everyone as they get lost in its interpretation. In a world where differences arising from lawyers interpreting the same law are a norm, a word clothing itself with three-piece ambiguity offers perfect recipe for chaos in many marriages.

Let’s face it, submission was intended for the good, but this instruction has become quite loathed, more so because it tends to be misused and misconstrued. For a start, submission is between a husband and wife, not between a man and a woman. So for all those men looking for submissive women, you need to be married to one first!

Submission wasn’t an instruction given for husbands to implement. No. It was a command given solely to the wives. It’s not imposed, it’s free-willing. There’s nowhere that says husbands should ensure their wives are submissive! That is an element of biased human interpretation.

In equal breath, commands are given on things or issues that are simply hard to follow when human nature dictates, no?

With equality being paraded around, both job opportunities and education levels no longer a preserve of the male species, and a world of corporate bosses and subordinates camouflaging our understanding, surely then, to be asked to submit to your husband can only cripple your will and desire for independence and freedom, right?

I mean, here you are, with so much intelligence and finance, busy climbing the corporate ladder while your achievements are constantly recorded in the national dailies. To then turn over leadership of your home to someone who epitomizes the phrase ‘human is to error’ can only feel tantalizing bordering on frustrating. Not when you have no idea the direction he’s leading you to.

But get this. Though the husband maybe the head of the household, which goes to say, head of the wife, it doesn’t mean that a husband has the right to think all the time. No. If he did, the man wouldn’t need a wife. Submission doesn’t mean the husband cannot listen to the wife, it doesn’t mean wives cannot be part of the decision making process, it doesn’t mean his word is law.

You are not a doormat, you are not a slave. Following wrong decisions is not being submissive, for you have the liberty not to obey in such instances. You can also be bold and confront your hubby respectfully, and with reasons, if you don’t agree with him, as you let him make the final decision. Remember, a head cannot operate without a neck. If the husband is the head of the household, that is more of linear authority that doesn’t make the wife lesser than an equal.

Wives and wives-to-be, you are not weaker, less brilliant, hardworking or lacking in initiative when told to place yourself under someone else’s authority. Look at the football side FC Barcelona. Their star player is Lionel Messi, yet the captain is Carles Puyol. So be the Messi in your marriage and let your husband be the Puyol of the home. You both do need each other.

When you see men holding on to purpose, it’s because they look for it to feel worthwhile. A man without purpose is lost, and you can tell when he loses his job or his investments. Submission helps the wife to meet her hubby’s purpose. When you respect him, honour him, affirm him, assure him and be his cheering squad, it boosts his confidence and helps him soar on high. Thus the saying, behind every successful man…

Yes, I know, it takes faith, for when some husbands are given the reigns, it appears like a coup. But trust him for you love him. Trust him to lead you. There’s nothing wrong with being the number two at home, that’s a societal mindset that advises everyone to be independent and work towards being the uno numero.

However, let not his love for you be the influencing factor in your decision to submit. You are not doing it for your husband, but for God. Though submission and love appear to work interdependently, they are both, I believe, exclusive.

To any lady seeking marriage, the question thus may be, ‘Is my fiance the kind of man I want as my head, to whom I will submit in all things, for the rest of my life?’

My two cents.


Posted by on April 4, 2012 in Uncategorized


7 responses to “Submit, Oh dear me

  1. anniespice

    April 4, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Nice piece MG.
    In the same scripture you quote, a man is commanded to love his wife… it makes it very easy to submit when he loves you. I bet the reverse is true!

    I like where you talk of nature…. submission and respect go hand in hand, and the mistake we make – human nature I suppose- is that, husbands respect their wives and wives love their husbands! -not exactly what the Good book advises.

    ***** five stars for this … “all those men looking for submissive women, you need to be married to one first!” … and to love her as your own self

    My two cents

    • Munene Gangi

      April 4, 2012 at 11:26 pm

      @anniespice, thank you. Actually it’s not a mistake we make. Wives love their husbands naturally, which is not the case when it comes to husbands, hence the reason why husbands are commanded to love their wives.

  2. Butterscotch

    April 5, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Munene, I like this piece. It looks deeper beyond the words that make up the command and also beyond the run-of-the-mill interpretation. As Anniespice notes, there is also the command to love which is often times under-emphasized.

    I agree, there can only be one numero uno but there’s nothing wrong with putting two heads together to steer the union and life.

    The last paragraph just nails it. Good one.

  3. Project44

    April 5, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Good read. Yes, Adams should love their Eves.

  4. Munene Gangi

    April 7, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Ladies, it’s human nature to expect one to reciprocate whatever they are being given. But remember, when God commands you to submit to your husband, He doesn’t say do so only when your husband loves you back. When you submit, you do so unto God. Your husband’s love, or lack of, shouldn’t be the determining factor for you to submit. Submit to him unconditionally, whether he loves you back or not.

  5. Alex

    April 14, 2012 at 11:19 am

    I think this concept would be more widely accepted if it used a word other than ‘submit’, perhaps some rebranding is in order? Can we call it consultation, or partnership, teamwork even, Munene, using your analogy?

    The reason women struggle to ‘submit’ is because its going against everything we’ve been taught. We’re brought up to ignore the stereotypes and conquer the world, and then ‘submit’? It’s confusing, is all I’m saying, but I guess it’s for the greater good.


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